(following up on this old post)
I took a peek in R. Shlomo Riskin's new bentcher, Around the Family Table, and he added in a parenthetical request for permission from the woman of the house.
And, a commenter reported in the name of R. Hershel Schachter:
R' Schachter in a shailos and teshuvos this past shabbos felt that if it will make the ba'alas habayis feel better and/or she'll feel insulted otherwise so then u can say bi'reshut ha ba'alat ha'bayitWhile this is second-hand, and R. Schachter has in the past been grossly misrepresented from just such question and answer sessions (who remembers the women's ordination issue from around 1990?), this seems like a very plausible report. It's a pointless and mistaken practice, but don't cause a scene in someone's house.