Purim Post: What Do You Do If Your Shoelaces Come Untied?

Right Wing Israeli Haredi: Ask a leading posek about the proper way to tie one's shoelaces. When he gives you an answer you don't like, protest in front of his home burning tires and calling him an agent of the secular government.

Left Wing Israeli Haredi: Go to the protest but then post on an internet forum that you only went to observe and so your children would not be thrown out of yeshiva.

Right Wing American Haredi: Send an emissary to Israel to have Rav Eliashiv, Rav Wosner amd Rav Scheinberg sign a statement on the proper way to tie one's shoelaces. Publish it in Yated with an accompanying article condemning those who refuse to adhere to Da'as Torah.

Left Wing American Haredi: Tie them the way you've always tied them and if anyone asks, say that it's the way "the Rosh Yeshiva" used to do it. Then write a thorough analysis of Shulchan Arukh, Orach Hayim 2 and sign it with your usual signature: "Reviewed by Rav Yisroel Belsky"

Right Wing Modern Orthodox: Send an emissary to Washington Heights to have Rav Schachter, Rav Willig amd Rav Twersky sign a statement on the proper way to tie one's shoelaces. Publish it online and then send around e-mails condemning those who refuse to adhere to their rabbe'im.

Left Wing Modern Orthodox: Throw out your shoes once and for all and wear sneakers all the time. Then complain about the prevailing chumrah attitude until you discover that tying your shoelaces is discussed in Shulchan Arukh. Then complain about Shulchan Arukh Karaism and the failure to accept a Living Judaism.