The Meme

This meme* has been going around the Jewish blogosphere and DovBear asked me to continue it. So here goes (those looking for profundity should stick to posts about kugel and vomiting):

[Significantly updated]

7 Things I Can Do:

* Recite the English alphabet backwards really fast
* Clap using only one hand
* Spell
* Remember lyrics to songs and detailed plot lines from TV shows, movies and books I haven't seen or heard in decades
* Write clearly and concisely, despite my abysmal grades in English courses
* Listen
* Make my wife and kids laugh

7 Things I Can't Do:

* Speak in one foreign language at a time
* Stop from cracking up when my daughter translates Humash into Yiddish
* Finish a project
* Clear my e-mail inbox
* Call friends and family members on a regular basis (as my mother nods while reading this)
* Confront/argue well in person
* Make anyone other than my wife and kids laugh

7 Things I Hope To Do In My Life:

* Become a mentsch
* Change the world
* Finish one of the many books I've started writing
* Finish the Talmud a few times
* Retire young
* Watch my children blossom into well-adjusted, independent, religious individuals
* Learn Torah with my children

7 Things I Say Often

* Whatever
* If you say so
* Eleven years of marriage and you still can't read my mind?
* What, am I supposed to read your mind?
* And, therefore...?
* Did you hear what I just said!?!
* Don't even TOUCH your brother! Yes, touching his clothes is touching him!

7 Celebrity Crushes

N/A

People I'd like to infect with this meme:

* MO Chassid
* Joe Schick
* Mordechai Schiller

---

*What's a "meme"? From Merriam-Webster's:

Main Entry: meme
Pronunciation: 'mEm
Function: noun
Etymology: alteration of mimeme, from mim- (as in mimesis) + -eme
: an idea, behavior, style, or usage that spreads from person to person within a culture

Yeah, I'm still not sure either.